Mustangs, Mailboxes, and Three Eagles Overhead
The other day, I was out walking with my sister and a friend when my friend pointed ahead and said, “Hey, there’s your son!” to my sister. She’d spotted a blue Mustang Mach-E, same make and model as my nephew’s car, and was certain it was him.
My sister wasn’t convinced.
Our friend doubled down. “There can’t be another blue Mustang Mach-E in the neighborhood!”
We all laughed when we got close enough to see a complete stranger behind the wheel.
A few minutes later, three eagles circled overhead. My friend loves animal symbolism, and she said the eagles were reminding her to take in the whole view. They see everything from up there. The big picture, not just the blue car in front of you.
Maybe, she said, that was her message for the day: stop assuming and start looking.
When Our Brains Tell Stories
That made me think of something that happened a while back. I had mailed a gift to a friend and knew exactly when it arrived. Days passed. No text. No thank-you. Nothing.
My mind started filling in the blanks. Maybe she didn’t like it. Maybe it was too much. Maybe she’s upset with me.
The gift was a surprise, so I couldn’t just ask if she got it. My worried parts may have spiraled some. But I listened to them and tried to understand that they were trying to protect me. I decided not to ruin the surprise by reaching out to ask.
And I’m glad I didn’t. The day she finally checked her mail and found the gift, the timing was perfect. If I had asked about it, the moment we shared when she opened it wouldn’t have happened the way it did. That’s when she told me she only checks her mail once a week.
I never told her about the spiral. But she knows about my worried part. She would get it.
That’s the thing about assumptions. They say more about our parts than about the other person.
What IFS Teaches Us About Clarity
In IFS, Clarity is one of the 8 Cs of Self. It’s the quality that helps us see what’s actually happening instead of what our parts are afraid is happening.
My worried parts couldn’t tell the difference. They saw silence and assumed rejection. They were doing their job, trying to protect me from getting hurt. But they didn’t have the full picture. They never do when they’re afraid.
When I can notice that my worried parts have taken over, I can thank them for trying to protect me and ask them to step back. That’s when Clarity shows up. Not because I forced it, but because there’s room for it.
My friend was right about those eagles. They don’t assume. They watch. They take in the whole view before they decide what they’re looking at.
I’m not great at that yet. My worried parts still fill in the blanks faster than I can catch them. But I’m getting better at noticing when it happens. And sometimes that’s enough. Just noticing.
A Reflection for Your Journey
Clarity is something we all have access to. It shows up when our protective parts feel safe enough to step back and let us see what’s actually there.
- Has your worried part ever filled in the blanks about someone’s silence or behavior? What turned out to be true?
- Think about the last time you were certain about something that turned out to be wrong. What part of you was doing the convincing?
- What would it look like to be more eagle than Mustang? To take in the whole view before deciding what you’re looking at?
Sometimes clarity is just realizing it’s another blue Mustang. And sometimes it’s trusting that the gift will land when it’s supposed to.
This post is part of my monthly series exploring the 8 Cs of Internal Family Systems, a framework that shapes how I teach, write, and support healing. The 8 Cs are qualities described by Dr. Richard Schwartz, founder of the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model.
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Hi Lynn
I love your story about the mustang and about your late gift. I often worried about things in general which often turned out to be worth the worry. But then I decided that worrying just means you suffer twice. So now I just expect things to go wrong, but dont worry about it anymore.
I dont know if thats what you mean by my parts protecting me though! I wish I could clarify better.
Thanks.
Hi Julie and thanks for sharing. Yes, worried parts try to protect you from hurt, disappointment, etc. It’s kind of like they try to prepare you ahead of time. The problem is that often the stories they tell aren’t the truth or the whole truth. I’ve been working really hard with those parts, but it is a challenge that’s for sure!
The biggest story I told myself a few months ago arrived fast and loud.
It showed up when someone I was beginning to have feelings for told me they were spending the weekend with a friend. Almost instantly, my mind filled in the rest. This friend was becoming more than a friend. I was about to be replaced. The connection was already slipping away.
What struck me most was that I could see it happening. I knew I was in a story. And still, my body had already taken off at a full sprint.
My nervous system did not wait for evidence or logic. Anxiety landed hard and physical. My digestive system revolted. Nausea, churning, that familiar sense of being unsafe without knowing exactly why.
Even with awareness, even with compassion, it took the entire day to help those anxious parts slow down. I had to meet them again and again with kindness. With reassurance. With patience. Only then did my body begin to soften enough to offer a little relief.
This experience reminded me of something important. Insight alone does not stop a trauma response. Recognition does not immediately calm the nervous system. Sometimes the work is not to eliminate the story, but to stay present while the body catches up to the truth.
And sometimes, the most meaningful progress looks like this: noticing the story, staying connected to yourself, and choosing compassion until your body remembers it is safe.
Not dramatic. Not tidy. But real.
And honestly, that counts.
I agree with everything you wrote. It’s such a process to work through those automatic responses that we learned to protect ourselves. I think the hard part is that once in a while the story is true lol. So, while learning to work with anxious and worried parts that do often tell stories, it’s also about learning that no matter what happens, we can get through it.
I can identify with that story, my worried and insecure parts love to tell me stories. But thanks to some skills I learned from two smart ladies, I’m starting to slow things down before believing those stories and reacting without finding out what the truth actually is.