Reclaiming the Throne from Fear and Old Patterns
As I looked at articles about the No King’s rallies, I saw that in New York, someone held up a sign saying, “The only King I want is Jonathan Groff.” I instantly laughed out loud.
Theatre people, you get it. Jonathan Groff, the beloved Broadway actor who played King George III in the original Broadway production of Hamilton.
But it also made me think about life and how often old patterns sit on the throne of my inner world. Patterns of worry, people-pleasing, or overthinking.
When Anxious Parts Take the Throne
When my anxious parts get stirred up, they leap into action. They fill in the blanks of uncertainty, assume what others might be thinking, or rush to reconnect before I even know what I need. Recently my daughter returned to college and said she would text me when she arrived safely. No text arrived. My mind began filling in the blanks with terrible thoughts of a car accident or an assault walking back to her apartment in the dark. These parts have good intentions. They’re trying to protect me from loss, rejection, or misunderstanding. But sometimes their urgency clouds my view. After sending her several texts she eventually responded. “OMG. Stopped at the store. Now back at my apartment.” Relief flooded through me, followed quickly by embarrassment. My anxious parts had written an entire tragedy when the reality was… she stopped for groceries.
Lately I’ve been practicing something different. I’m learning to pause and ask: “Am I blended with a fearful part right now, or can I access Self?”
When I can unblend and access Clarity, I don’t need every answer right away. I can listen, notice what’s true without adding extra stories, and respond with intention instead of reacting from habit.
A Client’s Shift
This week, I saw that same shift in a client. She said, “I know I’ve said I have no one in my life in the past. But last night, when that thought came up, I took out my relationship map and looked at it instead. The reality is, I do have people.”
Then she began describing how each person in her life offers something different: laughter, accountability, kindness, safety.
That’s what Clarity makes possible: pausing to see what’s actually here instead of what fear wants to believe.
The Protest Sign Reminder
Each time we make a choice like that, we shift the pattern a little. We remind our protective parts that safety and connection can coexist.
So today, when I catch myself trying to read between the lines or control outcomes, I think of that sign and smile. The only king I want is clarity. I remember that I can choose to unblend from catastrophe, return to presence, and see the truth instead of the stories my fearful parts tell to protect me.
In IFS, Clarity is one of the 8 Cs of Self Energy. It’s what my client found when she stepped back from her fearful part and looked at her relationship map. It’s what I was able to access when I paused (a little longer, anyway) instead of assuming the worst about my daughter. Seeing what’s actually here, without the extra stories our protective parts add. When we can get there, we can choose from there.
Small Steps
For me, accessing Clarity grows from small steps: pausing before I speak, noticing when I’m blended with a fearful part, and getting curious about what that part is trying to protect me from. Clarity doesn’t mean having all the answers. It means seeing clearly enough to ask the next question.
Reflection for You
- Where in your life is an old pattern sitting on the throne? What would it feel like to pause and ask, “Am I blended with a fearful part right now?”
- What is that fearful part trying to protect you from? What does it need you to know?
- If you could unblend and access Clarity, what would your next choice be?
If this reflection on clarity resonated with you, you might enjoy my upcoming children’s book, The Hallway of Doorknobs, which helps young readers recognize and befriend the different “parts” of themselves that can sometimes cloud their inner vision.
Want to keep exploring?
- Read the next post in the 8 C’s series
- Follow me on social media for more stories and reflections
- Visit my website at lynnahaller.com to learn more about my work and resources
This post is part of my monthly series exploring the 8 Cs of Internal Family Systems, a framework that shapes how I teach, write, and support healing. The 8 Cs are qualities described by Dr. Richard Schwartz, founder of the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model.
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I love the reminder that we can pause and choose clarity instead of letting old patterns run the show. The image of “reclaiming the throne” really stuck with me — such a powerful way to think about stepping back from fear and responding with intention.
Don’t “kill your friends and family” to reclaim the throne lol. Da-da-da, dat-da….
I really resonated with the idea of asking, “Who is leading right now… my fear or my clarity?” That question felt brand new to me, and honestly, it stopped me in my tracks a bit. I’ve always said that I look for my calm wisdom, but I’m realizing that clarity actually lives inside that calm wisdom. When I’m settled enough to notice what’s happening without adding extra stories or spirals, that’s when clarity finally has space to show up.
This feels especially important for the parents I work with who have teenagers. So many of them have a part that jumps straight to the worst-case scenario when a text goes unanswered or a tone sounds off. It’s not because they’re dramatic, it’s because they care deeply. But fear can grab the steering wheel faster than a teen can say, “Sorry, my phone died.”
I want to share this message with them because naming the difference between fear and clarity can be such a relief. It lets them feel understood and reminds them they still have access to that steady inner wisdom, even when their teen’s communication is… let’s call it “creatively inconsistent.”
Learning to pause and ask that simple question might be the very thing that brings them back to themselves, and back to connection.
It is a hard thing to do, especially when teenagers are involved. As I wrote, my stories can be front and center about all the bad things that can happen. But they don’t always happen so learning to take that pause helps me stay calmer.
Having Jesus as my King has allowed me to be unafraid as I live my life.
Thank you so much for reading and for sharing what resonates with you. It’s amazing that you’ve found that sense of clarity and fearlessness in your faith.